THE SECRET TO MARRIAGE: Yourself

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One of the main reasons why marriages are successful is«chemistry», the two get along and understand each other and lots and lots of sacrifice.

Marriage is a constant give and go relationship with its roots firmly found in the soils of love, faith, dedication, trust and respect.

With all of that, why am I focusing on you, and not on your partner? Would you care to hazard a guess? Let us review the requirements.

If you really think about all that is needed, the next step is to ask yourself: Can I do this? And if yes, what are the best possible scenarios for me to do this? You see marriage, like any relationship, depends on us being able to do what is required, needed and expected of us.

With that in the background, I need you to think about when you are at your «best behavior» if you will. Is it when you are angry, frustrated, not comfortable with yourself, or within your own skin? Are your best days when disappointment and feelings of despair or sadness overwhelm you? Or, like every one of us, you deliver your best «self» when you are feeling happy, calm, at peace, confident, serene and above all, healthy. Well, that was a rhetorical question, was it not?

I hope now that the title is  becoming clearer. Now, the real question becomes: how do I make myself a happy «self»? And that, my friends, is as individual a question as can be. However, there are certainly commonalities amongst all of us. You see, as a general rule, we all crave being healthy, successful, financially independent and capable, calm and peaceful, serene and confident. How we get to those points depends on our goals and our values and beliefs.

This is not an article about  these values, it is a discussion about why it is so important to achieve them. Make no mistake, our partner, children, family and friends depend on us being at our best. We love them and care for them the most when we are. So, our responsibility towards others starts with ourselves.

By making ourselves better and content, we  make everyone around us that much happier. We give more,  understand more, accommodate more, sacrifice more and dedicate more. We are at peace within ourselves and that peace allows us to calm the waters around us so to speak, and act as a pillar for others. It also allows us to ask of others and helps uplift others so they too can be happy, whatever the definition of happiness is.

One  Indian philosopher defined happiness as directly proportional or determined by the distance between our ideal goals and where we actually are.

Marriage starts with a single emotion, and ends up with evoking all possible human emotions. That is the primary reason why individuals who are high in something we call Emotional Intelligence, are usually very successful in their relationships and their marriages. You have perhaps read about Emotional Intelligence in one of my articles before.

EI (emotional intelligence) refers to the ability for us to understand ourselves and manage ourselves so we are able to understand others and manage others. In  essence, it is the basis of all human interactions, successful ones that is. Nowhere else is this needed more than in marriage!

So, ask  yourself, how high is your EI? Or how aware are you of your own self and of your spouse? EI is measured through a test that generates a score called the Emotional Quotient score, similar to your IQ score. People who are high in their EQ scores generally have high EI abilities, and are very successful in taking care of themselves and others.

EQ is affected by everyday life events, and how we cope and adapt to these life events is a reflection of our EQ scores. In the future I will be writing more about EI and EQ. Suffice to say, marriage, like all relationships in life, start with us and a  very good understanding of who we are, where we are, what we are capable of and that translates well to our partners and every single relationship we will have.

Marriage, starts with you, focuses on your spouse and family, and flourishes with emotional  intelligence.