Communication is one of the main aspects of healthy relationships. Relationships between children and their parents need a lot of communication. Children need your attention and understanding, and they need to feel that you are there for them when they need you. However, children often do not know how to express their feeling and talk to you about their problems. Their need for communication can come out as misbehavior and chaos.
I want you to think about the complexity of who we are as human beings. Now focus on everything that makes you “tick”. You are an adult who has been through a lot to get to where you are. Even with that you struggle sometimes to make sense or meaning of what isaround you and who you are. Further, sometimes you find yourself expressing things that do not reflect your true natture, or you misspoke, or misrepresented your intentions. I have not even touched on the times when we get so angry or frutsrated and then explode at nothing because we can’t control our emotions or selves. Now imagine you trying to express your true intentions and thoughts through that whirlwind of emotions and disturbances.
Great, let me switch now to your childre. Just how developed do you think their abilities to express or communicate? Further, how well do you think they are able to understand their growth, their hormonal changes and their new emotions that they are exposed to. Our responsibility as parents is not only to hear the words they say, but more importantly, see them and their body language and take the time to understand what it is they are trying to express. These are NOT LITTLE ADULTS!!! Working on building a harmonious relationship with the children takes time and effort.
Here are a few tips to help improve the communication between you and your children:
- Make yourself available to your children; try to strike up a conversation with your children when you feel they are in the mood to talk. Schedule quality time with your child each week. This uninterrupted one on one time could help your child feel safe and open up to you. Be involved in your child’s interests, for example if your child likes music or plays an instrument listen to him playing or listen to some music together. When a child feels that he shares a bond with you he will feel at ease when talking to you, and will more likely open up.
- Listen to your children when they talk. Stop everything that you are doing when your child is talking to you. Make eye contact with him/her and let your body language show that you understand what they are saying. Hear your child’s point of view until he/she finishes, and repeat it so that they feels that you got their point of view. After you do all of that you can intervene and explain your point of view about the issue.
- When responding to your child make sure that you don’t come out as aggressive. Say your point of view and acknowledge his/hers. Let it be a diplomatic discussion rather than a lecture.
- Concentrate on your child’s feelings when you are communicating with them. Ask about what they want to get out of the conversation, and how it made them feel.
One more thing, when you talk to your child, try to be at their level of eye contact. Standing or towering over your child or anyone will make them uncomfortable. Keep them at the same eye level…it does wonders. You should try it your-self and see the difference.